


Sign to me

by Overpoint65



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: And vis-versa, Baby Steven Universe, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Gem Neurotypical Is Not Human Neurotypical, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Neurodivergent Steven Universe, Neurodiversity, Pearl Solidarity (Steven Universe), Pearl-centric (Steven Universe), Pearls got some processing to do y'all, SO, Sad Pearl (Steven Universe), Sign Language, mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:09:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25885609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Overpoint65/pseuds/Overpoint65
Summary: Pearl beleived she had abandoned everything she had ever known and lost everything she ever fought for. She would never pass on Pearlsign, and never see Roses eyes again. Night and day, she duels. It is her only purpose.Eventually, she reasses that.
Relationships: Pearl & Steven Universe, Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 58





	Sign to me

It was a perfect night for dueling. Not that it mattered to Pearl, as she was on the roof of Greg's van, sitting perfectly poised on a breezy midsummer night. Not dueling. Not even trying to duel. Just holding baby ‘Steven’. 

No just Steven. Only Steven, now. The wind blows through her hair. She didn’t react. 

(She shouldn’t be holding the baby, not after what she’d done. Almost done. Almost broken Roses trust. Almost hurt him. But. She was holding the baby.) 

Apparently Greg needed a night to sleep, in that fragile human way, having finally left Vidalia so she’d have room for her new boyfriend. Pearl did not pretend to understand- or care- it’s not like they could just put him in the temple. So there was only the van. She had not cared. 

But Garnet was on a mission and Amethyst had said she was bored of baby-sitting and rolled over and fallen asleep straight on the tarmac. And Pearl of course did not sleep and it was not possible for her to be more uncomfortable than she already was, just by  _ existing _ . Maybe that was why she’d come, and then stayed when Amethyst had (predictably) given up. Or maybe it was because it had been almost two years since she’d held the baby. 

He felt very strange. A soft, warm lump of organic matter rolled in cloth and cradled in her arms. He was no longer so weak that he needed someone to hold his head up for him, but she’d only been shown how to hold him cradled into her arm and chest, and that is what she does. But he cannot talk, or walk. Even now he’s more helpless than even the most badly cooked Gem. Even Amethyst- emerging overcooked and alone in that disgusting Kindergarten- had been less helpless. 

(She felt his heartbeat through his clothes, and his pulse. Underneath it was the deep, and  _ distinctive _ , regal hum of hard light emanating from his Gem. So familiar. So strange.)

Actually Greg was getting worried about his lack of speech. It was all terribly strange to her- but Greg’s chatter about all the things Steven would be able to do when he was older and ‘grown’. had pettered off into nervous glances and research. Apparently two years was ‘grown’ enough that he should be talking by now. Primly, she brushed a curl from across his forehead. 

Dark eyes stared into her silently, and a warm summer breeze immediately blew his curls over his face again - she swept them back behind his ear again. She scowled- apparently sleep was another thing he would ‘grow into’ - but he slept just fine around the others. It was just her he didn’t like. 

(Who can blame him? A voice whispered inside her head. She banished it. Poof. Gone.)

Steven reached out and grabbed her thin fingers in his own chubby ones- wandered them all over hers. It tickled, but she let him- knowing from Amethyst that this was ‘playing’ and from Garnet that baby humans need to do this for their health and cognitive development. 

It was just. So strange. The thought rolls around her mind like grit in a nursery, as Steven’s little hand presses warmly against her palm. _ He  _ was strange, and new- brand new, nothing like him in existence. It made him a strange human. And an even stranger Gem. Was that even fair though? Who was to say that he was any stranger than Garnet, or Amethyst- or especially  _ her _ . But they were strange. Strange. Strange. Strange. 

A giggle broke her out of her reverie. Steven giggled and stared at her hand, a finger against each of hers (he can’t really reach- he is just so  _ small _ ). He has followed her subconscious sign- a fist and then splayed out. “Strange.”

Her hard light fizzed to blush and she yanked it away because that was  _ so undignified  _ and she hadn’t  _ meant to _ -

But Steven giggled and kept signing- little fist, and little splayed star. Fist, and star. “Strange. Strange.” 

She froze, but then hope bloomed, resonating deep in her chest and down her hard light. Slowly, her shoulders sank. His eyes were wide and happy- no trace of contempt or disgust or discomfort at sign. 

But why would there be? 

Tentatively, she signed again, “Strange.” 

“Strange,” Steven signed back with that same careless abandon that sent her Gem shaking. She smiled, and he shrieked with laughter and signed, “Strange, Strange, Strange!” 

She was trembling. Pearlsign was the only defence, the only shield. The one secret Pearls kept to themselves, so secret no one could ever order them to reveal it- simply because they did not know it existed. Learned in the nursery, before they were even sent to their assignments, it was learned alongside their first dance steps, their etiquette, their programming. An older Pearl came to you- and gifted you the only safety you would ever know. 

Pearl’s had been Purple. 

_ Purple hair sweeps gracefully to the side and cups her face in an old fashioned style, with puffy long sleeves and layers of gauzy skirts to match. She would come to know by these, and other faults, that she is Retro, and unfashionable- that is why she’s in the Reef. Purple takes Pearl's new face in her hands and presses their foreheads together, Gem to Gem, and tells her.  _

_ “You’re so beautiful, little sister. So beautiful, but you’re destined for Gems so powerful that they don’t forgive. Don’t worry, I’ll teach you everything you need to know- every step and grace, every way to soothe and entertain, every way to stay safe. And you will be more than beautiful, little sister. You will be  _ **_radiant._ ** **”**

_ “But first,” she says, “you need to learn to keep a secret.”  _

Pain brought her back. Steven pouted, little face scrunched up and hand sharply tugging at her cheek. He chanted, “Strange! Strange! Strange!” 

She giggled, sudden and unexpected, and clapped her hand across her mouth compulsively. Steven querched his head sideways, signing hand slowing down. Pain lanced through her- through her Gem. She shouldn’t, she  _ mustn’t.  _ Let him forget. Say nothing. No one could keep a secret like a Pearl, no one could offer sanctuary for a Pearl, no one but-

_ “Could you teach me how to sign?” Rose’s voice is sweet and rich. “Then you’d have someone to sign to.” She looks like an engraving in the sunlight, like perfect innocent perfection. She says no. Then she asks why, and listens through Pearls’ stuttering, bewildered explanation. And nods, and doesn’t ask again.  _

_ Until the night before that fateful final battle. Pearl is thrilled and terrified hard light fizzing with excitement, and Rose is holding her close. She asks, “How do you say I love you? In Pearl?”  _

_ (The answer is she doesn’t know. There are signs for ‘devotion’- to a master- and ‘to admire’- but Pearl is not so arrogant - and ‘to want’ was wrong for what you already have-) She settles on, “I cherish you.”  _

_ “I cherish you,” Rose signs back, forming them with beautiful clumsiness. And Pearl’s Gem could shatter from happiness right then and there.  _

Steven has stopped signing. She looked down at him- at his big eyes and dumpy legs - and ran her hand through his hair. It tickled and she trembled from...something. 

_ After the war, Pearl confesses the reality of what she’d signed. And Rose just looks at her with those perfect eyes and says, “I think it’s beautiful, that you’ve created so many ways to say ‘I love you’.” _

She was crying, she couldn’t stop- the sobs shake her whole frame as Steven started to wail. Folded in on herself, with him pressed to her chest,  _ her  _ Gem pressed into her stomach. His hair tickled her nose. The triple signs of his life force ripple through her, new and strange and perfect. Perfect as a Quartz straight from the ground. Perfect as a Pearl in the Reef. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.” She warbled it like a promise, sobs slowly subsiding until she can uncoil enough to rock Steven. He kept squalling, and big fat tears rolled down his face. Desperate down to her Gem, she signed, 

“Strange. Strange. Strange.” He stopped crying, and for a moment just stared at her with those beautiful eyes. Then he giggled and signs with both hands-

“Danger! Danger!” Laughter bubbled up inside and cracked out to a graceless squark. Steven increased signing. “Danger!”

“No, no, like this,” she said with her voice, as she closed one of his hands. He understood immediately- clever boy- and signed with one hand. 

“Strange! Strange! Strange!” He laughed - and giddy joy rages through her - she signed back in the big, playful style Purple had taught her so long ago.

“You  _ are _ strange-” She stopped. There are no separate namesigns, but each Pearl gets a designation - Pearl of ColourOwner. Even in secret they  _ are  _ their duty. Steven has no designation- no assignment. Steven has no  _ duty _ . And. It came in a rush so hard it makes her Gem tremble. No one to spill the secret to, apart from- what?- Garnet? Amethyst?  _ Greg?  _ Why would it even matter if they knew? 

_ “I think it’s beautiful, that you’ve created so many ways to say ‘I love you’.”  _

The wind blew and her fingers shook as she signed. “Strange.” Then hooked the fourth finger flat.

“Unique,” her hand said. Then repeated it in voice. “Steven.” 

Again, she pointed at him and signed, “Unique.” Then voice, “Steven.” 

His fingers were clumsy, and didn’t form it properly. She winced as he signed, “Broken.” Over and over again, and his eyes fixated on her face, wide and dark. She gently straightens out his littlest finger with her own. He bit his lip. 

“You are Unique,” she signed into the night, smiling. “Your name is Unique.”

He signed back. “Unique. Are Unique.” He signed his name over and over again, and this quiet, powerful feeling got a name. It left her shaking. 

She pressed them together, forehead to forehead. The double tingle of hard light and blood on her Gem. New and familiar. Strange, and perfect. She cried again. And whispered. 

“You’re so beautiful, Steven. But you’re destined for so much danger.” Her voice shook, thinking about it. “I promise to teach you  _ everything - _ every step and grace, every way to fight and play, every way to stay safe. You will be beautiful, Steven.”

And then she paused, memory humming through her, and she thought of promises and of old signs given new meanings.

“But you will be _ more _ than beautiful Steven. You will be  **free.** ” 

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick drabble, but i like it. The concept of Pearlsign is really interesting, and I hope i did it justice here. (if any of you are wondering- Pearlsign bares no resemblance to any real life Sign Languages- it's just constructed for the sybolism/story ).


End file.
